My AP Log (Uhm...non fiction)

[CrowleyIsm]

 I really did not know anywhere else to put this up...It's not really a fanwork, but an AP diary of some of my life... I try to write in it ever so often, though I've stopped for a loooooong while... I'm going to do multiple posts of backlog right now, to when I first met Crowley. I'm working on writing things up from missed dates and then I'll try writing once a night from then on out... for now, enjoy backlog...

 If you don't know what AP is, I'll start a freaking section in the general discussions category just to freak you guys out. Whatever. let's go.
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Basic Introduction:

* Adell Voth- Just recently learned that this is my name here...

* The setting- Old London, not sure which time frame I'm in of the comparison to the game. The streets are dark and the clocks have all stopped at midnight, plunging my surroundings in eternal blackness.

* The backstory- For those who haven't played the game, you may want to check out the WIKIPEDIA PAGE for the game, just to get a clue to why things are they way they are. Whether or not I'm in that particular time frame, as I said, I am unsure...I do know that the events are happening again muchly the same...but there's already been two games, both in separate time periods with the same happenings, so maybe it's just happened again in the future. *shrugs*

* The Personal Story- My name is Adell Voth, age 23, part-time waitress at a local cafe'. In my subconcious a story plays over and over, as I have heard countless rumors about the dreaded Brotherhood of Hecate, a devil-worshipping cult who secretly plots to overcome London and soon the entire Earth. Though I understand that it is not my business, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with this information...I am a curious person and want to find things out for myself. I have nightmares of demonic legions plaguing the streets, hunting human flesh...when they were once human themselves. I have visions of my face mutating, becoming inhuman...all of these things must in some way be because of the rumors of the sickness...

I know it must be because of the Brotherhood and their hateful experiments. Then, in a dream he appears to me. I had heard his name before, both by passing customers from the shop, and by clips in the newspaper. Until his recent appearance in my dreams, I held no interest in him whatsoever....His name is Adam and he is a beautiful thing. In my fitful sleep his lips moved but I cuoud not hear what he was saying...it is not like it matters to me much, as we have no previous connection. Though he must be the reason behind the ghastly happenings, there is a strange attraction that hits me almost automatically...I know that I must find him. (My attractions to him must also come from my playing the game so long ago...outside of travelling here...). Waking from this dream...I head out into the night after slipping on my coat and some soft sandals.

(this is where I actually came into the AP....everything from before was deep in memory, so I could give you something on surface from the background. I will now reaccount ome of the happenings....Be afraid....^^)

Even though I possess the body, I find myself in a whirlwind of confusion, not knowing where I am exactly. The street names and general directions are lost to her memory, and being so fresh to this new world, I cannot access the information. I notice right away that I am in nothing but a frilly pink nightgown, not at all befitting of my tastes here. The fuzzy white slippers on my feet keep my soles from touching the hard rock ground. There is a fur jacket that fits to me comfortably...my figure is slim, and without the extra fat, I feel undeniably cold. Instinctively, I tug it even more tightly to my body, welcoming the warmth.

The foggy night tells me that it is somewhere nearest midnight, because the sky is pitch and void of stars. My eyes turn down the rows of housing buidlings to notice that not a single lamplight is burning, and odd thing indeed. The streetlamps flicker slightly, and that's when I hear the sound. My eyes widen as a high-pitched moan fills my ears, echoing just off to my right...it sounds like a woman's moan, as if a mother were in agony over a child's death. My chest flutters as it sounds again... there is no one in the streets but me alone...alone with the keeper of such a horrible noise. At once my hand wavers above the doorknob to my home, but I stop as I see him in my head again...I know this person from the game. His name is Adam Crowley, and he is the reason I have decided to wander this plane in the first place. My fingers brush against the knob one last time as I step out into the dim-lit road. He will be waiting in the meeting place, wherever that is...my head does not tell me.

I don't have time to think about him for long...the sound comes again, making me shiver in fear. Closer...it is closer than before....In a flurry of panic I tighten my fingers around the edges of my coat and flee in the opposite direction. My footsteps are lost in the thundering mute of night. Turning the first corner I come upon, I continue my little flight away from fear. I almost think I am silly, for I did not see anything that would harm me, and at once I wonder if it could just be my imagination. Though I had my hair pinned in a mess atop my head to keep it from my eyes, some of the dark locks had come loose and now blocked my vision a bit. Heart still pulsing, I wipe them away.

After ten minutes of running I become exhausted...I have used up every ounce of my energy, and stop to rest against a streetlamp's thin pole. The metal feels good against my spine...like a support. I close my eyes briefly and think only of him. His eyes are so golden brown, like honey. Sometimes I feel as if they have been watching me my whole life. His hair is like a raven, sleek and black...Unknowingly I start to reach out my arm, as if to touch his image. My fingers grab something, but not the softness of hair that I am expecting...here is something clammy and cold, like dead fish. I open my eyes and try to scream, but my voice is locked captive in my throat. There is a great beast before me, it's eyes dripping crimson, it's mouth twisted in an evil grin. My fingers have glanced one of it's huge arms... For a moment I can only stare, but then my mind settles and I run through the streets back into the darkness. Behind me I hear the wail again...it was that...thing...that's what was making the noise from before.

But now is not the time to wonder what it was. I have to get away or it will feast upon my bones. For some reason, I know it is a hostile being, a demon from Hell... My heart is pounding furiously and madly. After fifteen minutes of running blindly through abandoned streets, my feet begin to burn, forcing me to stop and rest up against a wall...My shadow makes dark patterns on it, and there are no lamps here. All is darkness....my eyes take a few minutes to fully adjust to the new lighting scheme, and then I spot the boxes. A pile of wodden crates sit naturally agains the opposite wall...Quickly I dive behind them as I hear one of the howls, echoed by another! There are more than one of those horrible monsters out there, waiting for me and searching for me...So for now I hide, biding my time to think out a plan.
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 Don't really remember the exact date this started....so yeah....

[CrowleyIsm]

Okay, back with yet another entry...back on the streets of Lodon, you've been following my adventure through the dark city...so far I've actually come face to face with the first of the living nightmarish creatures that have recently plagued streets near my home.

Here's another segment of what happened to me. Enjoy reading about how terrified I was and still am LOL

My hiding spot is becoming tiresome, and my stomach growls for food. Somehow, I have lost track of all time...though the enveloping darkness still tells me that almost no time has passed at all. Perhaps it is trying to trick me. Maybe morning will never come again... I sigh, my breath coming out visibly in front of my face, illuminating just a little spot in the darkness. There is a slight noise again, a scratching sound that I am all to aware of. Brushing more strands of loose hair from my face, a turn my eyes, terrified, in the direction...two shadows bend what light is left in my vision. They are coming closer...whatever they are.

Fear causes me to panic...my body moves on it's own, forcing my legs to stiffen, making me stand and flee. With horrible grunts the creatures catch on. I hear them purring like wildcats as the persue me. The cold air sweeps my gowns up aruond my waist as I hurtle through the streets in attempts to escape. A hint of light swirls at the end of the alleyway...I am almost at an escape point. Suddenly I see the metallic gleams of wire. It is a fence, and a large one. A cry of unbelief pushes itself from my trembling lips and I look behind me, my legs slowing to a stop just before I am to come in contact with the barrier.

The cat-like monsters have slowed a bit, due to one's stumbling. It now limps...the other prods it along as I watch in terror. I wonder what I am to do. Then, in my cloudy mind, I realize there is only one option....to climb. Pushing through the fear that tends to ant to keep me put, I leap onto the fence, my fuzzy slippers fitting into the holes the links make. My hands latch onto the fence as well, and one of my fingernails break off causing me to cry out in pain. I whip my head around to check the status of my persuers...They have nearly caught up. Using what little strength I have left, I scale the fence. As I reach the top, a forceful shaking almost causes me to fall back down. The creatures are at the fence now, rattling it so that I may fall into their knashing jowls. With determination I flip my legs over the other side...Suddenly the structure rumbles again and I hear a howl from the creatures. The last blow causes me to lose my grip and I fall onto the opposite site of them.

Diving down...my leg snags onto a loose piece of fencing, ripping my flesh on the lower part of the back of my leg. I scream in pain, causing the creatures on the other side to furiously snap at me. Thankfully they are too large to try and climb the fence after me,a nd the one is wounded. Crimson spatters the ground where I land...the tear is gushing blood, but now is not the time to try and mend things. I scoot along, dragging my inflicted limb the best that I could. My vision tells me that there is yet another twist of city ahead. I have lost all sense of direction, but I continue on, hoping for a suitable hiding place.

After countless minutes of staggering along, and no sign of more of the creatures, I finally come upon a dark corner. I struggle towards it, fitting my body snugly between the two buildings that served as a little cubby hole for hiding. My breathing is strange and hoarse from running and from fear. It is not until I rest for a good bit that I turn to my leg. Unfortunately I realize that I have nothing to doctor it with...and it is still bleeding. ....An idea comes to me and I remove one of my slippers and the sock I am wearing underneath. I gingerly wrap the soft cotton sock around my leg, using it as a makeshift bandage, tying a knot in the back to keep it in place. Then I slip my fuzzy shoe back on. My feet smart and are surely blistered from climbing and running.

I lean my head back against the brick...closing my eyes. It has been awhile since I thought about him last. Now his face appears to me again in all of it's beautiful wonder. The hair swings delicately in front of the piercing chocolate eyes. I smile slightly at his image...it is a refreshing thing to think of after such horrors. I whisper his name into the hollow voice of my hiding space. "Adam..." Then I open my eyes to curiously look around, checking to see that I am still alive and that none of the monsters have scoped me out. Satisfied that I was safe, I turn my head on my neck, sideways resting against the cool bricks and stretch my pained legs out for as much comfort as the space would allow...I can feel my mind blur with fatugue and I cannot open my eyes anymore. I am carelessly falling asleep, but there is nothing I can do. This living nightmare has worn me out both physically and mentally. Before I drift into sleep I see him again, his lips stretched into a half-smile. I only want to find him and to tell him... Now he turns his eyes away from me, his hair falling into his face, covering it as he turns and walks away into the blackness of my head. I love him.
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 Quite a bit has happened so I'll give a brief summary and head on....

I see him sitting on a nearby bench, studying over something in his hand, A few steps closer lets me recognize it as food...the smell makes me terribly hungry, but I stay out of sight lest he sees me. he is evenmore wondrous than in my head, his elegant hair draping loosely over his broad shoulders. Quietly he eats his food.

Toying with ideas in my head, I wonder if I should confront this man of my dreams and ask him to explain. But time passes and I never gather up the courage....until he chooses to nap on the cold, hard bench he sits upon. Finally, after I see hear his soft breathing telling me his is truely asleep, I move in for a closer look. I am freezing and my wounds are horrible, but being so close to him warms me to my core. His face is long, gaunt...pleasing to the eyes. As i stare in wonderment i am awakened by the sound of another creature. Jerking up, I acidentally fall, disturbing him....

Everything happens so fast...first he is staring and staring, his deep eyes burn into mine as I'm shrinking backi n both breathlessness of his beauty and in fear. He is about to kill me...I know this is true. Sundenlly something more terrifying...a gunshot echoes. Adam Crowley grabs my wounded leg and begins draging me despite my protests...my skull is bumped against the harsh streets and I cry out. I hear a gunshot, feel my form jerk as Adam flinches. Soon we are in the darkest of places...with a putrid smell feeling my nostrils. We eneter the sewers!

He drops me, and then scrambles to sit down, his breaths strained, panting. I am sore but I move my head just a little. It is hard to see him in here because of the poor lighting, but I glimps his hand pressed against his side...he is bleeding. 'The gunshot must have wounded him' I think bitterly, biting my lip, 'I am going to die here too...here is the se...'

"Are you alirght." His voice is soothing, quiet...I can't see his eyes but I feel them as they hold me on the slimey surface. My gowns stick to the mucky flooring. My voice catches in my throat and I cannot answer.

After a few moments of silence he groans and shakily stands, and I hear blood spattering the hard ground beneath him. "Excuse me." He says, softly...gently...much to my surprise he turns and relieves himself on the far wall. I stiffle a giggle...for a moment everything is alright. The creatures are on the surface and I am here with a man who has seemed to calm considerably since I have met him. He is a sight to behold, his figure thin and shapely, but it is the hair that dazzles my vision the most.

When he is through he settles back against his resting spot, hand still fumbling over the bullet hole. I feel my brow wrinkle with worry as he moans again. A burning flame of pain shoots up my leg and I bite my lip. It is now, after feeling such pain, that i find the guts to speak to this man of my dreams. "I am Adell. Adell Voth..."

Surprisingly again, he answers me, "My name is Adam Crowley."

I almost say "I know..." but quickly choak it down. I shuffle to a sitting position instead... "Adam...It is a pleasure..." I cannot see his pale face, but I am almost sure he smiles.
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A week or two passes...in those weeks I stick to his side, bringing him food and supplies to help him. We move inch by inch through the tunnels. He is injured greatly and loosing blood. I have also found him to have a nasty attitude at times, so we argue. Nevertheless, I stay by him, sneaking out to bring him the best of items.

Just yesterday we reached the sewer opening to his labs with me supporting his failing body all of the way. He now lays in a small, shabby bed in the back room of this vast but cluttered building. There is a small stove for me to cook on, so I make his meals daily and help him get around. Here there is also medical supplies, sufficient for healing he wound. All he needs is rest. And so he does.
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^^^See I got lazy and let weeks pass.... I'm a moron and its so hard to keep up....

[CrowleyIsm]

Crowley still lays there, sleeping for the most part, regaining his strength. His wide knowledge of chemicals and precise instructions have led me to make a substance that greatly affects the wound...making it heal rapidly. Sometimes I find myself gawking at his magnificent intelligence, staring wide eyed as he names specific ways to do this or to that.

Still, there is little for me to do besides watch over him and provide him with meals and basic care. When he is sleeping I wander around his little laboratory, examaning things to gain knowlege. My feet are covered with cobwebs and dust from the many floors...I hear the faint sounds of my slippers as I pace through the rooms, some small, some large, all filled with scientifical things of wonder! Carefully I lift a flask filled with substance generically marked "B". It sloshes around freely as I twirl it in one hand. Placing it back on the shelf, I hear a noise....Adam has awakened. And he calls for me.

I hearken to his voice, still set on having him respect me one day. he is sitting now, to my amazement, and my eyes go wde as I walk in, hands outstretched in unbelief. "Adam...you...you're well?"

He looks at me strangely, but not a bad strange...a good srange, his chocolate eyes consuming me, his lips in a smile for one of the first times since I have met him. His smile is much brighter in my dreams...and one day, he will smile that way again. I push some hair frommy face and stumble over to his bedside, my hands snaking out to touch his body. The wound is shriveled and almost microscopic in view. With a smile I behold him, "This is wonderful. Genius...how do you do it?"

For once he looks interested in me, after my question. In my heart I know that it has been many years since someone has drawn close enough to this man to praise his brilliance. He only looks at me and nods. My eyes turn to the wound again, beholding it.

At lunch he still sits in bed, claiming to be tired...the flight from over a week ago still has his energy drained. We talk, small talk at first... I finally tell him a bit about my past and then he begins his own story....leaving out quite a few things. He talks of science, of being curious, of learning and excelling above the rest...he talks of dreams for a better world, and then he turns bitter and says no more. Leaving him at his request, I saunder back into the main rooms, wondering what it was that makes him so secluded and angry...perhaps I will never know.

Now he sleeps again, and I sit in his room, still in my bloodied gowns...I dare no one see me in such a way, for they might ask.... I do not want him to be known. I only want him to be mine. So I watch him with a tender look on my face, watch his chest rise and fall with more ease than before in the sewers...I am glad he can finally rest without waking from pain. Tommorrow, if he is alright by himself fr awhile, I will retrieve clothing from my home...and a few belongings to bring back here. There is only one thing stopping me from heading out...the sounds of nightmare creatures.
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I am cruel...I see this now. Every human being thrives at the expense of others. It has become clear to me that Adam isa man of power, and he choses his friends and enemies. Despite my helping hand he ignores me and my heart has become jealous. While this man sleeps I study the pages of formulas and ideals, letting the information soak into my being. Pushing thing off of a table, I set out to do my work... in my blinded anger I add too much of one chemical...

Supposedly, this concoction has the same effects as a strong food poisoning...My lips smile as I work, add the horrible substance to his food that i prepare. As i offer it to him, he eats hungrily, his raven hair swiging in his face....he has healed dramatically since the cure, but as I watch I can see a sickness growing in his body. It is only moments later that he is throwing up....Heaving, he spews all over my front side, soaking the bedsheets in his fluids. "...what's wrong Adam?" I ask with a false sincerity. He only looks at me, as usual, the dark eys burning into mine. Unable to face him any longer, I leave him be.

Hours pass and still he is sickened by my own poison. I study a book, pushing stray strands of hair from my face and out of my vision. Science is a beautiful thing, especially when it deals with dark magicks and demonic broods. My plan formulates in my head....festers as I swell with pride. I only need him to be rid of so tat I can control this little faction of devils. The Brotherhood they call it...a team of wealthy men, just a few. I even meet some of them, telling them that I am an addition. With smiles they rejoice...I have gotten myself new clothes so that I may change whenever. My spirits soar with greediness.

Crowley stumbles into the room, coughing...I turn my eyes up to him and shreik in horror. To my surprise, blood dots his lips. "I am not well." He speaks, weakly, his voice failing him...my heart pounds.... 'What have I done?' Scrambling from my place on a shabby chair, I rush to him, holding him up as his knees buckle and he is thrown into a fit of coughing. In a panic I rustle papers searching for the antedote...before my search is over, Adam slumps to th eground, unconcious.

"Adam?" I shake him, but he does not respond. My ear close to his lips, I realize he is not breathing....Heart racing I aid him until he wakes, still dizzy from blood loss. It is then that I realize he is cold, his emeciated body thrown in shivers. I use my knowlege to create for him a bucket fire...he refuses to lay down any longer, being a stubborn animal he is. In my pride, I do not admit my act of barbaric rage against him...I tell him not of the potion of poison. Crowley growls and moves into the next room, locking the door behind him. In a flurry I pound on it, screaming as much as my lungs will allow, afraid that the dark beauty would fall and I wouldn't be able to reachg him. Through the door I hear the cough worsen...tears now sting my eyes and I move a hand to brush them away. It is time....

"It is me. I poisoned you....I trust you understand, you are a man of unimaginable power. I used your formula and tried to weaken you...because..."

The door is opened and he looks out at me, lower face drenched in crimson. His eyes hold anger, as well as his voice, but the words are not angry words, "Which forumla?" Nodding, I prompty run to show him. My hands sweat as I shove the papers at him. he smiles oddly and I tilt my head in confusion as he moves past briskly, to his workstation. I jog to catch up with him, inquiring some things. He ignores me, as usual....already stirring in the last of his miracle fluid.

My eyes onhim in wonderment, I watch silently. After he has wipes his lips and naps, I say how I feel, "You frighten me." I am sitting beside him...watching him heal as he sleeps.

His answer surprises me. "It makes little sense that you ae frighetend of me. I have moved in no way to harm you. The way I see it, it is I who should be afraid of you." As he leaves to have a bath, I ponder these words. He is wise. Moving to straighten the sheets, I hum a tune...and make a vow that I will no longer raise a hand against this man, the one who has called me here, to be part of some mad scheme.

He forgets his towel, and as I try to clean more, I hear him calling. I grab the black cloth and rush to the metal tubs. The sight of him, chest deep in a steaming bath, his skin flushed, ravenmane glistening wonderfully, makes me stop and stare. When he inquires me about his towel, I shake it off and hand it to him,leaving him be...

But my eyes have not seen enough. I peek into the room, watching his lean form emerge, taking in my fill...the black towel fit to his perfectly. I can count his ribs, see the senews and bones in his thighs and legs, shapely. He is unaware at first, but then I trip and take a loud step forward. The head snaps up, his hair waving onhis chest...the expresion on his face is one of shock, and then his cheeks burn a blazing red. His mouth is twisted in unbelief. Doing the next thing was a mistake....I giggle, then laugh. He stands as still as a deer, towel in hand, exposed. Finally, in a low, shakey voice, he mumbled, "Exvuse me." and flees.

Later i find him...and it is night. The dark filters in through the cracks of the boarded windows. Adam has made a sleeping place in one of the back rooms. He lays on the bed surface, no shirt despite the freezing temperatures, only adorned with a pair of flannel pajamas. I am all at once sorry for my behaviour...it was rude and childish. Finding a tattered blanket, I cover him, but he still shivers uncontrolably. Uncertain, I sneak under the same covers, knowing that body heat is the best thing to do...his frailness against my full womanly body is a strange thing. My fingertips snake across the sunken belly and the ribs. Crowley starts mumbling in his sleep, as he always does....inauduble syllables that make no sense. It is here that i fall asleep, knowing that tommorrow we may finally have the time to eat some food. My stomach growls. And then the darkness.
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...yes, I'm mean. Get over it.....<.<'

[CrowleyIsm]

I awake to a sleeping Adam still beside me, and rub the mist from my eyes. A bright sun shines through the boarded window and tell me it is morning. Careful not to wake him, I slide out of bed and cover him up a bit more. His face is still pale from the sickness, but after he gets some food, I suppose he will be alright.

The whole time I live here, I wonder where the demonic creatures I witnessed come from. I haven't seen them since that night when the nightmare started...if they truely belong to Crowley, then where does he keep them?

I take a quick bath and throw on some old clothing, heading out the door, making sure no one sees where I come from. Pimlico is not really a busy town, so sneaking out is a breeze. I know of a small grocer not too far away...my feet are warm from the hot water I just used from my bath, and the cool air feels good against my flushed skin. After retrieving the groceries, I immediately head for home....

'Home?' The word sounds strange as I think about it. I stop in the streets, thinking....'Not home. Home is back...my cramped little apartment, not living with a strange man whom a barely know.' A spry little voice pops in my head, 'Then why do you stay beside him?' Frowning, I realize that I cannot answer this question at the moment. Something about Adam facinates me, but i don't know what exactly. With that out of the way my legs move and soon I am slidig into the old, musty building, calling for Adam as I walk in.

The tall man ambles into the room when I enter and call, eyeing my armful of sacks. One of his prominent eyebrows raise nd he questions me, "You've been out?" He smiles, a half smile that makes me somewhat uncmfortable after such a question. In another situation, I may have found it cute or charming. His boney hands are stuck in the pockets of his flannels, and his torso remains bare.

"Ay, I have." I say, slowly, moving to table and setting the groceries down. After doing so I wipe my hands on my lose pants. "I brought us something to eat because you don't seem to keep much food here." I keep my light eyes on his, making sure he knows that I am not afraid, that I am just as dominant here.

Adam breaths slowly, crossing the gap between us, and puts a hand on my shoulder as he starts to move past, "If you didn't know, I don't eat much." He laughs, continuing on to rummage through the sacks. I watch him curiously. Finally he says "Ah." and turns, apple in hand, "I shall have this. Thank you for your troubles."

As I watch him leave the are I sa, "Your'e welcome." Then I proceed to find a place to put away the bought food.

I plan on going to my workplace today to tell them I have quit, for it seems more reasonable than to tell the truth. Crowley and his information are precious things. I sit, chewing on granola, reading a book as I think this. When afternoon falls I tell Adam I will be back, and he bids me a safe return.

Thankfully I find a nice carriage driver who agrees to take me the distance and back, saying he is making a round as well, so I accompany him. Upon my return, I find the dark man on his bed. He is laying there, hair pulled back...I have never seen him with his hair in such a way. It is clean, beautiful, and striking. "What are you reading?" I ask him, motioning towards a book he has cracked open.

"Nothing of importance to someone such as yourself." he replies almost coldly, not looking at me. Taking this as him not wanting to be disturbed, I take my leave, going into the kitchen where I am now preparing a meal. I suppose when he gets ready, he will eat.
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To my surprise he downs my soup that i cook for him greedily, as if he is starved. I know myself that I am not the best of cooks, but he thanks me with a grin and asks for seconds. Reluctantly, I give it to him, and watch as he drinks the hot broth down. "You really think I cook well?" I ask, dumbfounded. My hands are clasped tightly together.

He finishes it, wipes his lips and ofers another smile. "It's good." He replies, and I have never seen him so happy.

"Thank you." I nod my head respectfully...

As I turn later to get my own portion, he comes behind me and pulls my ear as hard as he can. Crying out in pain, I drop the spoon, splattering the borwn suopy liquid on the tables. I whip my head around, delicate hands flying to my smarting ear....my whole temple throbs. When i turn my eyes to him, he is laughing, grinning from ear to ear. Harshly, I demand, "Apologize!" he stares at me, still smiling, so I say it again, louder.

Finally, after seeing that I am seriously in pain, he offers an apology. "I am sorry, i only wished to thank you for your kind meal." Fining no way else to recompense, he leans over and softly kisses me on the cheek. The black hair tickles my face, and I notice that he always smells of mint and sugar. His mouth brushes my skin as I flush...he is so soft.....so very soft....as I press a hand to my cheek after he pulls away, Crowley wanders off.

Later on...

I have told someone close to me my feelings towards Crowley....they agree to talk with him, for I am too afraid to tell him myself.... I....I fear I have made the largest mistake....

My friend informs me that Crowley would like to hear it from me.... Palms sweating, i enter his room. He cautiously lifts his head....I can tell he waits, holding his breath.....

"You are an emotionless beast." I hear myself say, and then i turn and leave. Moments later I go in to check on him and hear weeping...his heair covers his face, but I can make out some of the painful words.

"Why....ugly.....she laughed I told you she'd laugh..."

Not being able to help myself, I laugh, and I'm sure he hears me mocking him. Sometimes I am cruel because I am so afraid....

When he finally lays to rest, after the morning sun has already begun to rise, I sit in a chair and drift to sleep.

The sunshines brightly, waking me...sleepily I stand. The large abandoned house in quiet....too quiet....

I enter every room, calling his name....he does not answer. Adam has left the lab, and left me alone here....I content myself in studying more scripts, books, ideals, and forumulas....using my little cooking skills to make snacks for myself in case I get hungry.

Already the sun is sleepy and he still hasn't returned....Perhaps he will never return....until then, I've decided to wait.
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He returns, and my head snaps up, eyes glistening in surprise. "You came back." I state, plainly, trying to hide the fact from him that I am relieved to see him well. He looks at me slowly, sadly and shakes his head. He has on his normal clothes. Striped pants, overcoat, gloves......thick, worn boots on his feet. Quietly he closes the door.

I stand, worried, "Are you okay?" 'He's probably still hurt from your nasty remarks last night'.....I tell the voice inmy head to be silent, but still I feel guilty as he walks to the opposite side of the room, then turns to look at me, acting as if he wants to say something but doesn't know how to.

Finally he speaks, "Why do they all laugh at me now? What did you see in me that made you laugh at me?"

Frantic, I tell the question to my friend, whom I trust....I am still skeptical of Crowley....cruelty is my nature towards him, more than likely because I fear him so much, fear he will never accept me into his faction, fear that he cannot love me.....I say cruel things behind his back and make my friend angry. They are just alike, methinks........I say a few harsh words to Crowley, and his bottom lip starts to quiver noticably. The sight makes me giggle, putting one hand to my mouth to stifle it.

My friend urges me to tell him how I really feel....but now is not the time....'He still hasn't disappeared frommy dreams.' I think bitterly, remembering a specific clip of him in my head from just the night before.

Crowley stares blankly as I tell him, "You are laughed at because you are envied....because you are different and brilliant." Though my words turn kind he just stares blankly....I can tell he has been wandering all day....'to think' he tells me later, he left to think awhile. Seeing him shiver and tremble, his eyelids drooping, his mouth still taught but quivering, I usher him to his bedroom, covering him.

He falls asleep almost immediately, and soon after I sit by his bedside, rest my chin against his torso, and sleep as well.

When I wake the next morning he is still fast in his sleep, so I arise being careful not to wake him. In the kitchen area I created just days ago when I first came to be in this old house, I make a quick breakfast, setting aside a portion for him to eat when he wakes.

From there I think about everything my friend tells me to.... 'Maybe there is no hope for me...and no hope for crowley....no hope for the world.' No, I reminds myself to remain optimistic. I slip out of my clothes for a hot bath.

After I have cleaned up I study until I hear him awake. He greets me with a smile this morning, but i can tell it is a front to cover up dark, hidden feelings of disappointment and pain. "I made you breakfast." I tell him, for which he thanks me, his face brightening a little.

This man is such a mystery....whet I once held up as evil, emotionless, and a devil has soon showed me a completely different angle....it is his passions and his emotions that fuel him, I now see. He is just like any other human being, deserving of respect, love, and trust. I watch him eat now as I write this. I only pray that tonight I do not cause him any more pain........evil...can be fragile.
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 Here I go again...and *sighs* yes, I like to write snippets of my life like a storybook.

[CrowleyIsm]

He works now, his hands carefully moving over a squirming creature I dare not look at fully. Crowley has insisted that I accompany him in making his creatures "perfected" as he likes to say. Biting my lip, I stand as close to the doorway as possible, watching him work. Sometimes I hand him tools...objects in which he slices into the skin of the writhing monster, drawing blood. My stomach wrenches tight.... "Excuse me." I say as I go to check on dinner.

Chicken noodle from scratch...that is what looks at me from the pan over the fire I make with a simple formula. Trying to push the thoughts of the screaming creature being poked at with knives, I grab a wooden spoonand stir, the aroma of the broth ticking my nose and making my stomach growl. I hear Adam call...he wants me in there again, but I ignore him. I have already seen too much.

Soon even thoughthe monster cries are loud, I hear the sound of footsteps, and Adam barges through, face taught with anger. He yells, pushing me, but I stand my ground.

"Fool! All I ask is that you help me for once, my body is still weak from your pitiful games, and there is work to do so much work to do......" he goes on and on, his eyes flaring. I watch him simply, defiantly. He paces, throws his hands in the air, looks at me again, his hair flying about as he treads the floor wildly. Then his words turn into things about the other day....when I hurt him....'He must bear alot of pain and illwill towards me.' I think, watching his thin form as he moves about. His voice shakes now, his eyes are misty when they turn to me, when he comes close. "You laugh and you laughed....they all laugh and for no reason...ignorance!" The word strikes a nerve in me and I slap him.

Crowley stumbles back a few steps, then looks at me in unbelief, hand to his cheek where I see a spray of red in the shape of my small hand. Coldly I say, "Dinner is ready."

He stands for a few more moments as I turn my back to retrieve the soup. I can feel his gaze burning into me. I know he is crying once more...Finally I hear his footsteps retreating back to his lab room. I sigh heavily and sit down with a bowl of the soup, try to enjoy it but fail....

'If only he would become more gentle.' I think to myself, the hot liquid bubbling in my mouth and warming me all the way down as I swallow, 'Then I wouldn't have to be so harsh with him.'

The night flies by and not a peep from Adam. he still works....I can hear the howling of a monster, a different one, isuing from the room where Adam fled to after our altercation. These creatures...I wonder how he tells them apart from another, for I have read in documents where each has a name and attribute differing from the other. Sipping some tea, I fumble through papers regaurding them, noting names, ages, marks....everything you'd want to know and some things you'd not want to know about those viscious hell devils.

Weary I sneak by the room to check on Crowley, to see if his expression has changed. As i near the door I hear mumbling...speaking. I catch a few sentences and leave.

"....and then you'll be perfect, like gods fallen from the stars, like jewls of wrath. Understand that this will hurt a moment, but you will benefit because of my efforts, though they may seem cruel...."

'Talking to them, like....as if they were people.' I think as I sneak away as fast as I came. He is still there, talking and working to perfect those beasts. So I wait for him to grow weary....that I might have a look at certain things within that room. To find more answers.
-----------------
When the clock is about to strike 3 in the morning, Adam passes me by, ready to retire for the night. The creatures' screams have ceased....I wonder where he has taken them, where he keeps his demonic brood.... I sit by his bedside, watching his eyes close slowly, taking notice of his breaths changing....until I'm sure he sleeps.

Quietly i rise from my seat, pulling a loose sweater around my shoulders. The cold air seeps through the cracks of the building, chilling me. It is time to search for answers....'Not going to get any sleep to night.' I tellmyself with a frown, though it is already very rare that I fully sleep at all in the first place.

The room he has abandoned is dark and even colder than the others...thankfully I bring a candle...I light it with a match to illuminate my path. I stumble around, unsure of what surruonded me, though i could tell the room was cluttered with work materials, papers, books...The squeaking of a rat fills my ears. Something warm slithers past my feet and I jump, banging into something hard....a table. For a moment my heart flutters, because I now fear that Adam has heard me, waking and now onhis way to find me snooping.

A span of time passes and not a peep from the other room. Contented that the master is still sleeping soundly, I continue my search, my hands shuffling through a drawer marked with symbols. The papers I find are all written in some occultic language, and I wrinkle my brow, trying to decipher the codes. Interested, i stuff the papers in a small purse I bought on my way out to get food for us. My eyes scan over books...books of spells, diaries....Adam's personal diaries....volumes and volumes fill the shelves, certainly in some order...

I pick one up and bring the match close, scanning a random page with my wandering eyes. I read the sentences aloud in a whisper....

"The teacher praised me today. She says I am the smartest kid in class, though i do not think so...I think Nancy is far more intelligent, because her project was well developed. I cannot tell her I think that though, because she doesn't see me. I am invisible to her."

'These are from...from so far back...' I think as I take a few of the pocketsized volumes for reading later on. As I back up from the shelves, I feel eyes.... In a panic I look around, holding my candle far out....

A creature, a scaley beast with ultiple sets of peepers, sits in a corner of the room. It purrs.... I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. I back into a table full of cutting supplies and feel the breath of another creature, this one furry...a werewulf...

A scream lodging in my throat, I flee from the room, closing the door behind me. The items I steal I hide in a safe place, away from Adam's sight. There are lots of hiding places in such an immaculate house. I am at once thankful it is a confusing labarynth.
----------------------------------------------------------------

I fell asleep so late that i didn't awake until late in the afternoon. Adam is not in his bed, and he doesn't answer me when I call out. After taking care of other buisiness, I go into the kitchen to fix lunch around 3 o'clock. As I rummage through the pantry, I realize that several of the appled I had bought to make an apple pie were missing. 'Adam took everything...' I though, bursting into anger. 'Not only that, but he's also stolen the whole sack of sugar I need...'

Abandoning my lunch-making task, I go to find him...to yell.... It is a couple of hours later that he ambles through the door, and I fly to him in a fit, though i have calmed considerably......

Adam smiles, producing a medium sized, wrapped parcel.... Eyes narrowing at him, I grab and open it.... Inside I find a freshly baked pair of pies, apple and ginger.... My mouth opening in surprise, I turn to him, but am speechless.

"I heard you had a taste for such things, so I borrowed some of your ingredients and made a trip to the baker." he coughs, leaning to the side and covering his mouth. He is dressed much more warmly than usual, with a much thicker coat and shoes lines with fur...He regains himself and continues as I savour the smell of the goods. "he helped me bake these for you, as an apology for the way I so treated you yesterday. I realize my rudeness, and it should not have been taken out on such a lady as yourself." He stares at me, brown eyes twinkling for once. I have never seen him look so cheery, even more cheery than he looked after gulping down my soup.

I hold the pies, cheeks blushing...I had been so angry with him before...and... now he had brought me pies much more elegant and tasteful than what i would have been able to make. Choaking down my pride, I offer him a "Thank you." though a quiet one.

I put the pies away, saving them for after dinner...we are going to enjoy them together. But first, i have some studying to do, some dredging up of Adam's past.....hopefully his past will lead me to some conclusions of his future.
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 And that's pretty much where I ended the journal.... Alot of my posts are told through IM's with a friend who likes to hear of my life...sorta kinda. Anyways, this is basically the events that lead to my liking Adam, which became an obssession, which led me to build this site. Funny, huh? So I wouldn't even have met CreatureX had it not been for Adam really... gosh I owe the old weirdo alot... I'd better find out a way to pay him handsomely. I'll leave now before I start babbling... Anyways, hopefully there will be comments on how to cope/fix/whatever my dreadful life....

[CrowleyIsm]

O.K. Theres no way in heck I'm going to be able to catch up. You should just know that due to some incidents, we are now on the streets running from The Circle.

 Today...or rather YESTERDAY was Crowley's birthday. God knows how old he is.... Because I was ashamed because I didn't get him anything, I decided to steer clear of his presence for the day and let him enjoy his birthday with my bothersome company. Walks on the streets aren't so bad, but the clothes I wear are now mangled and filthy. Crowley has already warned against my sheltering him in my own home, which is stillmiles away, but still close enough for me to smell it and long to run there and collapse on my own bed. I'm quite sure the rent is overdue....but now that I don't have any job, I'm not sure what to make of it.

 I spent yesterday pretty much to my lonesome...I wanted to be with Crowley....it killed me not to be able to see him on such a day. He was still sleeping, propped up on some old rickety boxes when I left him. I hoped that he'd not come looking for me. His wound from a certain gunshot to the leg will probably prevent him from doing so anyhow. Damn Circle members.... I thought about them most of the day, looking in various shop windows and wish I had the money to buy this or that.... My very stomach curls just thinking about them. Leaving Crowley for so long might not have been a smart move if I had thought any of those fools were nearby. I could only hope he fared well as I strolled along without him.

 The day went by pretty much uneventfully...ending upon my returning around 3 that morning, to a sleeping Crowley who looked as if he hadn't moved a muscle. 'Sleeping through his birthday probably...' I thought, feeling a bit sorry for him. The constant stress of being hunted down had already put me on edge, and I could only imagine how he felt, being wounded and all. I wondered if Crowley ever felt frightened. The only time I thought I saw a glimpse of fear was when we got separated on the night that we had gone out to gather certain sacrifices, and we had gotten separated during a Little skirmish with the Circle members.... he had come running back around the corner, concentrated....I was hidden from the Circle members, and my leg had gotten stuck. Not seeing me.... wondering if I was indeed gone from him.... I wondered if that really caused fear for him.

 Of course, through stories untold, he had already confessed his care for me...... a few incidents had proven that.......

 The ice-covered ground was freezing, and it still is now, as I have not even shut my eyes to sleep. Snow flurries dot his raven hair with white....he still sleeps and right now I am wrapping him in my arms to keep him warm. He is a frail thing! I am surprised he has lived for so long. However, black magick, as I have witnessed, can do wonderful things... I love how his lips are always slack... I'm giggling now, half because I can truly enjoy how he looks when he is unaware, and half because of CreatureX's ending video to Nightmare Creatures 2.... Crowley's laugh gives me the giggles....and I still haven't stopped repeating that same scene and giggling. In fact, I'm doing it ever so often right now!

 And now Crowley is stirring a bit in his sleep. I hope he doesn't wake up, though it is past 7 in the morning. I plan on resting much today. Hopefully Crowley seconds that plan. We need all of the strength we can get in order to make it through....wherever we are going. I hope he sees it differently and allows me to take him to my little apartment.I know he'll be able to rest better when we get out of the snow.... his little body is shivering right now.... I almost want to cry. I'm going to hold him closer to me and hope he stays warm enough to relax thoroughly.... I stroke his hair with my fingers, feeling the fine texture....silky. Even though we haven't bathed in weeks.... I don't think I care, actually. I like being with him no matter what, and I intend to stay beside him until his work is complete, whenever that may be.

 I go now to sleep, or at least to rest my eyes...... Happy late birthday Crowley.............. I do love you.......

[CrowleyIsm]

 Oh boy...where should I start....

 Let me see, I awoke around 12 o'clock noon, freezing half to death, but surprisingly Crowley had given me his coat as a cover after he got up... However, it smelled of sweat and blood, and general nastiness...so I quickly shed it off, probably with a very disgusted look if anyone had seen me to bear witness. The man himself was nowhere to be seen, so I figured he'd probably gotten up to test out his strength after yesterday's rest.

 Stretching, i stood up and dusted myself off. The snow had again soaked through my thin pants...something I hated, because the wetness would prevent me from getting any ounce of warmth. Still, I was at least bent on finding Crowley and leading him towards my house, hopefully discuss some things and get our plans straigtened to fit my fancy as well as his fancy.

 He wasn't far off, standing beside an old warehouse-type building, back propped up against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded. At first he appeared to be intently studying something in the far distance, but as I drew closer, I realized he was looking dead at me, and with an expression of somethink akin to hatred. Shaking this off, I still approached his form, offering a smile that did not melt the scowl on his face.

 "I was looking for you." I said, taking a place beside him. he averted his eyes now, his hair covering his face.

 With a hint of sarcasm, he spat, "Oh really..... were you seeking me yesterday as well, Miss Adell?" He fell silent, and I just looked at him, not really knowing what to say. Obviously he had been awake yesterday, and was now accusing me of avoiding him, which was entirely true, but not something I would admit.

 "I had errands to run around here." I told him, to which he still kept his face turned away, now pulling his body in that direction as well, furthering himself from me. I kept watching him, trying to come up with an excuse he would take, "What is the matter? Did you need me to do something yesterday?" I asked, sounding as sincerely as I could, pretending to forget altogether that his birthday was the day before.

 He was still for a moment, then spoke, softly, "It is nothing of importance... I never should have..." He stopped, not intending to go on. I didn't ask him to finish either. He turned back towards me, his face long and hard... his stare forced me to stop looking at him. I couldn't stand this thing that I had done.

 We decided to walk back to our little spot in silence, side by side, I only mabey half a step pace behind him. When we reached our destination, I asked, "Please, won't you come to my home? It's not all that grand but we'll have warmth and..."

 "Foolish girl." He interrupted, though he remained busy with retrieving his coat and sliding it on. When he was done, he continued, "...Fine. Do what you will. You give me no choice but to follow."

 "I'm not going to force you."

 "You already have. The leash you keep me on is short and too tight for my neck."

 "....I don't know what you mean." I said, getting a little angry with the riddles.

 He laughed, dryly. "Your ignorance amuses me, child."

 "I'm not ignorant." Getting angry, I turned from him, taking a few steps away before I exploded on him...

 "Indeed. Perhaps you can change my mind by going and fetching me something to eat." he said,and I could feel his eyes narrow at me, even though i wasn't looking at them.

 I shook my head, "You walked quite a ways away this morning...you can get your own self something."

 "I am wounded."

 I turned to stare at him, smirking, "I don't give a damn." Despite my anger towards him, i still resented my last statement....he was hurt, and I was....I was....

 Though he tried to wave it off as just an annoying sentence, his face twitched slightly at it, proving that it had stung a bit. "Why do I bother with you?" he asked himself, his voice losing a bit of the anger.

 "Because..." I gave up on a come back and sighed heavily, "What do you want to eat?" I asked with a sigh.

 Crowley smiled...I almost smiled with him....I love to see him with such a face.... "I knew you would see it my way." He sat down. "Anything you offer me I would gladly accept."

 "Uh huh." I said, and took off....

 Yes, I had to log out of Endless Online, because I also had to keep an eye out for Circle member trouble whilst i was getting the grub. Crowley did eat it cheerfully and offered me a thank you....

 Right now, as I type this, he is uhm......... relieving himself in some dank alley way before we start towards my house.... I have no idea as to why he will not use a restroom inside, and prefers using the streets, but then again, do I really want to ask? O.o